


Father and Son

by the_rest_is_silence



Category: Digimon - All Media Types, Digimon Adventure Zero Two | Digimon Adventure 02, Digimon Adventure tri.
Genre: Post-Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2019-02-09 08:50:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12884343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_rest_is_silence/pseuds/the_rest_is_silence
Summary: He loves his son, but he knows by now that love doesn't mean half as much as actions do; and his actions have been far from loving in the past. His only hope is that his son will return from the Digital World one day - and that Ken will find it in himself to forgive his father.





	Father and Son

**Author's Note:**

> Since I need to re-watch chapter 4, Soushitsu, before I can finish editing my newest chapter for my longer project, Loss, and I didn't have enough time for that today, I felt compelled to write this little short tonight. It's just a little experiment, not necessary a part of the "Loss-canon", so to speak, because whether or not it'll fit in will depend on how my story still develops.
> 
> It is set after the end of Loss, though, but it doesn't give away any major plot points apart from the fact that Ken does make it home eventually. As stated before, I'm not even sure that this will happen in the Loss timeline, so it could also be considered AU to my own story, I suppose. Still, if you don't want anything that goes further in time than my current chapters in Loss, I suggest waiting until I've finished that!

**Father and Son**

 

His work wasn’t simple. It required most of his attention to be done right, and currently, he could hardly bear to divert any to the research he was undertaking. He had always been proud of his accomplishments as a geneticist – only overshadowed by the pride he had felt in the intelligence of his two sons.

He had failed them both so badly. And now his youngest son was lost. He hadn’t been able to work properly since, only saved from dismissal by his superiors’ trust in his usual hard work and efficiency, he supposed. But how could he possibly concentrate on the human genome when his own child was missing, possibly d- no, no, he had to be alive, he had to be well. He couldn’t lose Ken, too. At first, when he’d heard that Ken hadn’t been to school, he genuinely thought that he had run away again even though he didn’t tell his wife that. There was no need to distress her even more… He wouldn’t even have blamed Ken for running away after what had happened between them. How could he have behaved so badly towards his only remaining son?

He stared at the DNA sequences in front of them and wondered, not for the first time, what connected them to the digital code that made up the world, in which his son had spent so much time – and which he was wandering perhaps even now. That there had to be a connection, he was sure of – after all, his former colleague, Oikawa Yukio, had managed to enter his own gene code into the programming of the Digital World, thus creating Digimon-human hybrids. At least that was how Ken had explained it to him. He still wasn’t sure if he completely understood, but then he’d always known that his sons were smarter than him. Even if he did figure out what the connection was, though, it wouldn’t help him, unless he was somehow able to devise some sort of search engine to find his son. But he knew too little about computer programming to do that, just enough for his own chosen brand of science.

 

“Ichijouji-san! There is a phone call for you.”

 

Frowning, he got up to take the call, but as soon as his younger colleague added “It’s a hospital,” he almost stumbled over his own feet just to get to the telephone quicker.

  
  
“Moshi moshi.”

“Moshi moshi, Ichijouji-san. Are you the father of Ichijouji Ken, fourteen years old, student at Tamachi Middle School?”

 

He nearly fainted.

 

“Yes,” he pressed out. “Yes I am. Is he-“

 

“He’s in our care. Serious injuries, but none fatal, head trauma, a fever, but he’s physically stable. We think he would benefit from a visit by his parents.”

 

His head swam, his breath was shaky. Head trauma… That didn’t sound good. He hardly heard what else the person on the other end of the phone had said. “Is he- I’m sorry, are you his doctor? Is he going to be okay?”

 

“I’m not a doctor, Ichijouji-san. My name is Himekawa Maki. I’m from the government agency that has previously covered up your son’s disappearance. I’m sorry. Please, I really do think you and your wife should come to the hospital immediately. Your son needs you.”

 

He could hardly wait long enough for her to tell him the name and address of the hospital. Even as he hung up the phone, he already grabbed his jacket and switched off his computer. He didn’t ask if he could leave, merely informed his superiors that there was a family emergency he had to attend to, and then promptly proceeded to leave the building.

From that moment until the time he reached the hospital, he only paused once – to pick up his wife from the café, in which she worked. Her presence next to him in the car was a comfort but hardly enough to take his mind off his sins.

Where did he go so wrong? Didn’t he make a promise to Ken? Didn’t he tell him that all he needed to do to be loved was to be himself? When did that change again, when did he start expecting too much from his child? What good was ‘respectable” if it meant he couldn’t have his son at all?

***************************************

The severity of his crimes becomes all too clear when he enters the hospital room. Ken is lying on the bed, a thick bandage wrapped around his head; he’s attached to various needles and tubes. He has barely reached his son’s bedside when the boy looks up and asks, in a frightened whisper, “Are you still mad at me?”

He shakes his head, unable to speak at first. “No,” he breathes out. “No- Ken-chan, I’m so sorry.” The pet name slips out almost instinctively. It’s normally only his wife who calls their son with the endearing suffix – his wife and Ken’s partner. He’s glad to see the little Digimon curled up at Ken’s side, together with the blue dragon one – didn’t he belong to Motomiya-kun?

He cannot stop the tears now – he never thought of himself as the emotional type. Men don’t cry – except they do when they see their child hurt on a hospital bed, looking frail and vulnerable and afraid.

 

“I’m not mad at you. I should never have been mad at you in the first place. Please forgive me.”

 

Ken’s lips tremble. He can see that his son is about to cry, and he wants to hold him tight, wants to tell him that everything is going to be okay, yet he doesn’t even know what was wrong in the first place. He only knows the wrong he has committed himself.

He doesn't dare hug him, too worried that he will mess up the medical equipment. But he touches his cheek ever so gently, feels the tears hit his hand as they drop. “Shhh…” he whispers, but Ken is actually very quiet, despite the tears. Almost entirely silent. “Ken…my child…” His voice is thick with emotion and he doesn’t quite know what to say – he’s never been too good with words, especially when it comes to saying what he feels, and sometimes, he thinks that Ken – emotional like his mother – has got this unfortunate trait from him and that it prevents him, sometimes, from getting all he needs. Just another way in which he’s failed him.  

“I’m sorry,” he repeats, knowing full well that it isn’t enough. He wants to tell Ken that he overreacted, that he was just surprised, even though he knows it isn’t true. In that moment, his anger was real. His only concern was the family name, didn’t Ken ever think of that? What would the neighbours say? And hadn’t he ever considered that his parents wanted grandchildren and that Ken was their only option? He shudders at the thought of all the hurtful things he’s thrown at his son – when he’d come to him in trust and in need of understanding. He didn’t understand, but he does now, or at least, he thinks he does.

 

What do the neighbours matter as long as Ken is happy? What good are imaginary grandchildren compared to a very real son?

 

“I’m sorry for what I said.” He needs to say more – but what? He needs to make it absolutely clear to his son that he doesn’t expect him to hide part of his personality from his parents, no matter what he’s said before. He worries that Ken will try to fulfill his expectations now – be respectable, get a wife eventually, a child, just because he said that that’s what he wants from him. He only wants him to be happy, really.

 

“…it’s…it hasn’t changed… it’s not going to…” Ken manages to say, still looking terrified, but determined. His son is stronger than he’d given him credit for. His wife is still standing at the foot of the bed. He knows she’s crying and she wants to hug Ken just as badly – but she understands that he needs to talk to Ken now, that he needs to make things right between father and son. She always understands.

 

“No, no, I know that. It doesn’t need to change. _You_ don’t need to change, Ken-chan.  I was wrong before. Oh Ken… I was so scared I’d lost you…” He’s still caressing Ken’s cheek with one hand, softly touching the strands of dark hair that have fallen over the bandage to the side of his son’s face. His other hand is squeezing Ken’s – bigger than the last time he’s held it like this, perhaps, since Ken has grown so much in recent years, but still smaller than his father’s, if only a little. “You can…” He’s practiced this a lot when he imagined what would happen when Ken returned (he couldn’t ever bear thinking about what would happen if he didn’t). “You can love whoever you want to love, okay?” It’s been a strange concept for him, to be sure, but he’s read up on it and he’s fully prepared to fight for his son’s right to be just who he wants to be. Be with whoever he wants to be with, rather. He only wishes he’d realised this a little sooner. “I’m on your side. I just want you to be happy. I love you, Ken.” Finally, he’s said it. And he wishes that it could be enough, that his apology, his words of support can fix everything, make it alright, but, of course, they can’t. Other things have happened, terrible things, that much he can see from his son’s pale and battered face. Ken lets out a desperate sob, his face contorts and he shivers almost convulsively.

 

“Ken…!” He’s scared. He’s never seen his son like that.

 

“Daisuke…” Ken blurts out between sobs, “…he’s…operating room…they…they don’t know if-“ Words fail him and Ken screams. It sounds hoarse and heartbreaking. Finally, he reaches through the tubes after all, hugs Ken as best as he can, gently pressing the boy against his chest.

 

“Ken…shhh… Ken…it’s going to be okay… I’m sure…I’m sure…” He doesn’t even know what’s wrong with Daisuke. But he does know one thing now and he wonders how he could have missed it before. Ken loves Daisuke. Of course. How could he have been so blind?

 

He cradles his son for a long time. Ken sobs and whimpers and screams, and occasionally, he whispers – Daisuke’s name, but also Osamu’s, and then he calls out for his mama and his papa, even though they both sit by his side now, holding him, gently whispering words of comfort. It’s the only thing they can do.

He looks up to his wife, who has joined him at Ken’s bedside, now sitting across from him. She’s got her hand on Ken’s back, not moving, not rubbing soothing circles on her child’s back, just softly pressing against him, providing the reassurance that she’s there. He doesn’t question it. She always knew so much better what Ken needed than he did. He knows she still feels guilty, too, about how they acted towards him after Osamu’s death – before it, even – but really, it’s always been his fault.

She’s crying, but silently, determined not to add to Ken’s distress. She’s strong like Ken is strong, and he hasn’t always been able to see this. He bitterly regrets his own weakness, but he’s not going to dwell on that now. Instead, he keeps holding Ken, whispering to him, trying to get him to calm down.

They’ll be there for their child.  They’ve not always been, he knows that, they’ve not always been even remotely good parents, but they strive to be. He’s quite sure that he never really knew how much one could love a person before he met his wife and they had children, but he also knows that love isn’t always enough. It hasn’t been enough for Osamu and it hasn’t been enough for Ken, who’s already suffered far too much for someone so young.

He loves him and he will do everything he can to help, but as he watches his son’s quivering form in his arms – his face hidden by his bangs, but he doesn’t need to see Ken’s face to know he can’t stop crying – he wonders if it will ever be enough.

He glances up at his wife and at the two Digimon, who have been looking at the scene in alarm ever since Ken's first scream, and then he looks towards the door and wonders what kind of news there’ll be from that operating room.

**Author's Note:**

> I started thinking about this piece when I first brought up the notion that Daisuke might not be able to survive in the real world anymore after having been patched up by digital code rather than by more conventional means of healing... But I always had this idea at the back of my mind that Ken might have told his parents that he thinks he might be gay before the whole disaster happened - and of course, that's another thing weighing on his mind all the time. The poor boy can't get a break, I'm afraid...


End file.
